Donald Trump’s Post-Presidency Jobs

  1. Stand-up Comedian: Trump has been doing his lousy stand-up schtick since he came onto the political scene but none more so than throughout this past campaign season. This has been a great warm up for what is surely his number one choice with adoring crowds and manic supporters laughing and cheering at his every barb, insult and lie. He simply can’t get enough of it. His belly warms, his dick swells, his brain melts. He’s a bad-haired, foul-tempered version of comedian Don Rickles without being remotely funny. Remember Trump’s robotic false impression of a disabled journalist? Classic Trump stand-upper.
  2. Ebenezer Scrooge on Tour: Donald Trump would excel as the famous Charles Dickens character Ebenezer Scrooge who Bah, humbugs! his way through life in the classic A Christmas Carol. Trump could do yearly world tours as this bastard who hates people, especially poor ones. He could even bring along Melania, who already expressed her “Fuck Christmas” sentiment, because she was so bothered by the prospect of decorating the White House. Of course they’ll have to rewrite the ending for Trump’s version of the story so that Scrooge never changes course with his miserable, miserly life. That would suit Trump to a T.
  3. Birthday Clown: With white circles around his eyes, his crazy orange hair and face and his frumpy suits with extra long ties, all he has to do is pop on a large red nose and grab an oversized pair of shoes. He could fashion animal balloons all day long then angrily pop them with a pin to make the kiddies cry their eyes out. He’d love it.
  4. Carnival Barker: Wherever Trump goes, it’s a circus so he’ll have no trouble finding a big, beautiful red tent where he can inflate himself and spew his particular vile venom. People will come from miles away, walk through sleet and rain, camp out on the sides of roadways and fall dead in the freshly fallen snow. “Get up you lazy ass snowflakes; I’m up here barking my guts out for you. You should love me. Please love me.”

Donald J. Trump has said he will never give up, never surrender in trying to make this nation great again, just like it was when the U.S. dropped its atomic bombs on Japan.

Trump-o-Matic

by actor-writer Ginger Marin

The Only Fitting Monument to Donald J. Trump

It’s called The Donald J. Trump Federal Penitentiary.

Residing inside: Trump and his entire criminal-grifter family, his enablers, the Republicans who signed onto the phony Texas lawsuit falsely claiming election fraud along with those pathetic Republicans who objected to the Electoral College certification and, of course, all insurrectionists who stormed the Capitol.

Daily Activities inside the Donald J. Trump Federal Pen:

05:00 – Rise and Bathe with bleach and lye soap.
05:05 – Singing of Trump National Anthem: “Hail to the Former Chief”.
05:10 – Pledge of Allegiance to Trump.
05:15 – Breakfast: Watery gruel + one glass of Flint, Michigan water.
05:20 – Exercise: Non stop jumping jacks.
05:30 – 12:00 – HARD LABOR: building Trump’s wall around the inside of the prison to stand 30-feet high.
12:01 – Lunch: lard sandwiches on crustless white bread, one radish + one glass of Flint, Michigan water.
12:10 – Exercise: Waterboarding.
12:30 – HARD LABOR: continue building wall.
20:30 – Dinner: one large head of iceberg lettuce, one packet of ketchup + one glass of Flint, Michigan water.
20:40 – Return to cell, enjoy view of blank wall.

Anyone wishing to visit the prisoners will be strip searched each time they enter prison grounds in an effort to find contraband and in keeping with Trump’s stated goal to find him more votes. Visits will be kept to 10-minutes; no touching or gifts from home permitted.

By actor-writer Ginger Marin

My Interview with Donald Trump by Ginger Marin

Ginger Marin: Oh thank you so much Mr. President-in-Chief. I am so honored to be sitting in your esteemed presence, oh one from on high. Please allow me to ask some low-ball questions so that you don’t get upset. Hopefully they are questions that you can actually answer without resorting to words like biggest, best, beautiful. Of course, I know how much you love those words but perhaps you can make do with something else. Okay, so here goes, Mr. President —

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Ginger:  What’s your favorite color?
Trump:  Green. My favorite color is green, for money, you know I like money, right? I mean who doesn’t, it’s good, you know like really good and big. I can say big, right? Well it’s big or maybe I should say they’re big because there’s more than one money, right? Speaking of money, you know I’m a multi-billionaire right? I mean everyone knows that because I’m from New York, lots of big money people in New York and because I said so. I don’t have to prove anything, I can just say so, so I did many times. But go on, I think you said you had more questions, that’s alright, go ahead, ask away, I’m here just so you can ask your questions, go on, go ahead, ask —

Ginger:  Oh, thank you Mr. President, I actually wanted to know —
Trump:  You know I like questions, right? I get asked lots of questions by everyone, just about everyone, almost absolutely everyone, on a daily basis and I have answers, lots of answers, because I have lots of words and I can put two and three together to get even more words. I like words you know. There’s nothing like words. I always say that, you know? The more the better. You just can’t have enough words. But sometimes you can. Sometimes you can have too many words and it’s better to just shut up. You don’t want to say too much otherwise people, some people, maybe even lots of people might think you said too much and, well, so go ahead ask me some words.

Ginger:  Sure. So do you know what democracy is?
Trump: That’s a nasty, nasty question. How can you even ask me such a question? You should be ashamed of yourself. Really ashamed. Who do you work for, NBC?, CBS?, ABC?, the failing New York Times?, they’re failing you know, maybe you’re from that failing CNN, yeah I bet you’re from CNN, they’re failing too. I know you’re not from The Washington Post. Doesn’t matter. They’re all fake news you know, all fake just like you. In fact you’re so fake I’ve never seen you before. I don’t know who you are. I never met you. You say you’re from New York. I never saw you in New York. How the hell am I supposed to take your word that you’re from New York? Show me your birth certificate. You probably don’t even have one. That’s because you’re a nobody. That’s right. You don’t exist. Because you’re fake. Fake news, fake person. Have a nice life, you fake nobody. Don’t call me. Don’t you ever call me again or I’ll have you arrested. That’s right, you think I can’t do it? You are mistaken. You are very, very, VERY mistaken. And you know what you can do with your biggest, best, beautiful word fest? I’ll tell you what to do, you know what you can do, it doesn’t take much of an imagination, but I have a good imagination, a really big and beautiful imagination and I can tell you that it doesn’t take one to imagine how I can make your life miserable. Anyway, get away from me. Get away from me now.

Ginger: But this is my space. YOU have to get away from me.
Trump: I knew that. I’m leaving now. Don’t call me again.

Ginger: I won’t.
Trump: Good. Because I’ll have you arrested.

Ginger: That’s okay, I won’t.
Trump: Better not.

Ginger: I won’t.
Trump: Good.

Ginger: I won’t.
Trump: Stop it.

Ginger: Okay.
Trump: Good

Ginger Marin: Okay

Melania Trump, You Never Promised Us a Rose Garden

The only thing we need from Melania Trump at this late date is a copy of her pre-nup.  We don’t want her stinking rose garden makeover. We know the only reason she’s doing this is to dig up the bodies her mobster president-husband, the @realDonaldTrump Twitter-Fritter, buried there in the late night hours between snacking on fried chicken and chili dogs and slurping on high fructose corn syrup. You know — when his secret service agents were drinking and carousing at one of his golf clubs. Melania, please go quietly. Take your shovel and your high-heels and go stomp your way out of the White House and back into Trump Tower. Isn’t that the one your hubby claimed was now the highest in NYC?  You’re so lucky. Oh, what a pretty “Life is Just a Bowl of Cherries” skirt you’re wearing!   Reminds me of the time you wore that green fatigue F.U. jacket with the graffiti “I really don’t care, do U”. — by Ginger Marin

The Rosy Melania Trump No One Needs

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