Donald Trump’s Post-Presidency Jobs

  1. Stand-up Comedian: Trump has been doing his lousy stand-up schtick since he came onto the political scene but none more so than throughout this past campaign season. This has been a great warm up for what is surely his number one choice with adoring crowds and manic supporters laughing and cheering at his every barb, insult and lie. He simply can’t get enough of it. His belly warms, his dick swells, his brain melts. He’s a bad-haired, foul-tempered version of comedian Don Rickles without being remotely funny. Remember Trump’s robotic false impression of a disabled journalist? Classic Trump stand-upper.
  2. Ebenezer Scrooge on Tour: Donald Trump would excel as the famous Charles Dickens character Ebenezer Scrooge who Bah, humbugs! his way through life in the classic A Christmas Carol. Trump could do yearly world tours as this bastard who hates people, especially poor ones. He could even bring along Melania, who already expressed her “Fuck Christmas” sentiment, because she was so bothered by the prospect of decorating the White House. Of course they’ll have to rewrite the ending for Trump’s version of the story so that Scrooge never changes course with his miserable, miserly life. That would suit Trump to a T.
  3. Birthday Clown: With white circles around his eyes, his crazy orange hair and face and his frumpy suits with extra long ties, all he has to do is pop on a large red nose and grab an oversized pair of shoes. He could fashion animal balloons all day long then angrily pop them with a pin to make the kiddies cry their eyes out. He’d love it.
  4. Carnival Barker: Wherever Trump goes, it’s a circus so he’ll have no trouble finding a big, beautiful red tent where he can inflate himself and spew his particular vile venom. People will come from miles away, walk through sleet and rain, camp out on the sides of roadways and fall dead in the freshly fallen snow. “Get up you lazy ass snowflakes; I’m up here barking my guts out for you. You should love me. Please love me.”

Donald J. Trump has said he will never give up, never surrender in trying to make this nation great again, just like it was when the U.S. dropped its atomic bombs on Japan.

Trump-o-Matic

by actor-writer Ginger Marin

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